


Seer of Grief

by nellcromancer



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Candy Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mid-Candy, Post-Canon, The Homestuck Epilogues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 13:52:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19769548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nellcromancer/pseuds/nellcromancer
Summary: Dirk is dead and buried, and Rose does what she always does after a tragedy: She retreats inside herself and bottles up her pain.  Fic takes place shortly after the events of Candy 15.





	Seer of Grief

KANAYA: So  
KANAYA: How Are You Holding Up?  


Rose looks up from the novel spread open in her lap, she had been staring at the same page for an hour now. Her eyes are clear and her eyeliner is uncannily immaculate; especially so, given the circumstances. Her gaze wanders over to make contact with her wife's concerned face. She offers a small smile, one that does nothing to reassure the fretting troll.  


ROSE: I assure you, darling, I am quite alright.  


Kanaya furrows her brow.  


KANAYA: Given The Circumstances  
KANAYA: That Response Worries Me Considerably More Than The Alternative My Love  
ROSE: It concerns you that I'm not simply beside myself. That I am not in anguish over the sudden, tragic loss of my biological father  
KANAYA: Well Yes  
KANAYA: I Was Under The Impression That The Two Of You Had Grown Rather Close As Of Late   
KANAYA: What With The Long Intense Phone Conversations Occasional Visits And Clandestine Messages  


Kanaya's tone is measured, and she moves through the kitchen with a characteristic purpose, doing nothing much of value, reorganizing the cabinets.  


Rose's scoff is faint, terse, and fake. Its a sound that Kanaya has grown well accustomed to. Its a sound made when one who always seems to have a surplus of words suddenly finds herself lacking. A stalling measure.  


ROSE: I appreciate your concern but I am dealing with the current events quite well all on my own, Kanaya.  


Rose rises from the couch, her arms crossed in front of her, defensively.  


Kanaya suppresses the urge to snort, electing instead to quirk a eyebrow up as she glances over at her matesprit.  


KANAYA: When Has Rose Lalonde Ever Dealt Well On Her Own When It Comes To The Topic Of Processing Grief?  
ROSE: Plenty of times, for your information.   
KANAYA: Oh Really?  
KANAYA: Are You Counting The Times Where You Attempted To Drown Yourself At The Bottom Of A Glass Of Your Human Alcohol?–  
ROSE: Kanaya...   
Rose remarks, softly.  
KANAYA: -Or The Time That You Surrendered Your Mind And Body To The Gods Of The Furthest Ring?-  
ROSE: Kanaya.   
Louder this time.  
KANAYA: -Or The Time You Plotted An Elaborate Suicide Mission Into The Depths Of Paradox Space?  
KANAYA: Or–  
ROSE: Kanaya!  
Rose exclaims, the terseness in her voice lending a sharpness to her tone that amplifies her voice far more than any yelling could ever hope to accomplish.  


ROSE: I believe you have made your point  


Kanaya’s face softens.  


KANAYA: My Apologies  
KANAYA: I Simply Wish To Remind You That You Have A History Of Receding Into Yourself When Faced With Negative Emotions And There Are Those Among You Who Would Be More Than Willing To Help  
KANAYA: Or At Least Listen  


Another scoff.  


ROSE: So what do you want me to say? That I feel betrayed? Cheated out of a relationship that, though founded on a bedrock of petty antagonism and conflict, showed the faintest glimmer of perhaps becoming the closest thing to a paternal relationship that I've ever known?   
ROSE: That I am frustrated that his suicide feels more like an implication that I was simply not worth spending time with, than the result of any battle with his own inner demons? That I am hurt that he wouldn't even bother to explain his reason for leaving?   
ROSE: Or maybe even that I feel guilty for managing to turn his death into an insult to myself?  


A tear rolls down her cheek, trailing mascara and eyeliner with it. Kanaya quickly strides closer to her wife, and wraps the smaller human into a long hug. 

ROSE: Why am I so selfish?  
KANAYA: I Dont Particularly Think You Are Being Selfish Love  
KANAYA: You Are I Think Justifiably Hurt By Dirk's Sudden Passing  
ROSE: I should be sad he’s gone. Not angry that he left without saying goodbye—without explaining himself.  
KANAYA: This Is Normal  
KANAYA: It Is Okay To Be Sad And Upset And Angry And Selfish  
KANAYA: After All   
KANAYA: Grief I Think Is Inherently Selfish  
KANAYA: The Dead Cant Hear You Hurting And The Dead Dont Feel Guilt For Leaving You Behind  
KANAYA: The Dead Dont Feel Anything  
KANAYA: At Least Not Anymore  
KANAYA: So Its Just A Feeling Of Unfulfillment And Anger And Pain That Cant Really Be Directed At Anyone In Particular  


The tears are streaming down Rose’s face now, mascara trails looking so much like cracks in a porcelain mask. She pushes herself tightly against her luminous wife, who holds her closer in response. Its several long and nearly silent minutes before Rose speaks up again, pulling away slightly from the hug.  


ROSE: I want to break something. Big.   


The troll takes a moment to respond, slowly relinquishing her.  


KANAYA: How Big?  


Kanaya stares down at her smaller wife, a concerned look furrowing her luminous brow.  


ROSE: I mean,  
She lets out a little laugh, and wipes her tears away with an open palm that smears the makeup running down her face.  
ROSE: It’s been quite a while since I’ve ripped an ancient ruin apart searching for answers that I was never going to find in the first place.   


Kanaya smiles slightly.

I Think I Can Probably Arrange Something That Fits Those Criteria

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this like a week after the epilogues dropped, and intended it to be the first chapter a part of a fill-in fic, fleshing out the things we didn't get to see during the Candy Epilogue; but then I took on a big fic project and put this on the back-burner and I've decided to just post this section as is as a standalone fic, because I'm actually rather fond of it.


End file.
